【Mashup】The Weeknd × Tomoko Aran(亜蘭知子)(Out of Time/Midnight Pretenders) - YouTube

Eternal sunshine of the spotless... stainless steel

 

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

(Eloisa to Abelard - Alexander Pope)

The unconventional midnight muse

You wake me up

with a midnight kiss

not to shed inspiration

but induce exasperation

you make my eyes water

and you take my breath away

never in awe

but in perpetual misery

----------------------------------------

Poy is my Bestfriend

Straight from Thailand

Delivered by an Elephant

Lavandula update... fail

It is the summer of discontent yet again. Could this be a sad foreshadowing? I no longer cling to the hope of sprouts to come. Instead, I've only seen what appears to be Leucaenas, wind blown most likely. I might just start from scratch, this time allotting a more controlled setup. Hopefully the impatience will be sated by Pachelbel's Canon :/ To long days ahead. 

Canon In D (Piano and Violin Duet) (youtube.com)

--------------------------

In spite of all the recent downhills, perhaps it is time for the long overdue visit. Soon.

Japanese Soft indie/Rock Playlist (youtube.com)

Ikwento mo sa pagong

Isa sa mga naging paborito kong laruan noong ako'y bata ay ang action figure ni Leonardo, isa sa apat na pagong na bumubuo sa grupong Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT). Magilas ang laruang ito sapagkat pwede mo siyang gawing pagong at itransform din upang maging si Leonardo. May kasama din itong dalawang espada na kung tawagin sa Hapon ay katana. Sa madaling salita, nagka lasog lasog ang laruang ito sa dalas ba naman nang pagkakagamit at tunay naman ding nasulit ng mga musmos kong kamay at imahenasyon. Ngunit hindi tungkol kay Leonardo ang nais kong isalaysay. Ang kwento ko ay tungkol sa pagong. Wala na ako pakialam kung anong uri, basta may carapace at plastron ay pagong na yan sa akin. Pinaka unang pagong na aking nakita siguro ay noong grade school pa ako sa tindahan ng mga goldfish at aquarium na ilang hakbang lang sa aming bahay. Ito yung pagong na kulay berde at maliit pa sa palad. Ito nga sana yung gusto kong bilin ni mommy imbis na fighting fish at goldfish kaso nahihiya ako kasi baka mahal. Anyway ano ba meron sa pagong? Wala naman, para lang sa akin kung ako man ay magiging hayop ay gusto ko maging pagong tapos sakin mo na lang ikwento kung ano man gusto mo ikwento. Kung merong 'bahala na si batman', sa kwento naman ako ang iyong tatawagin. Madami din advantage ang pagiging pagong. Una amphibian ito, pwede sa lupa at pwede sa dagat. Di pa naman ako marunong lumangoy so oks na oks ito. Isa pa, di na kailangan ng bahay dahil naka kabit na sa katawan ang bahay nito. Ayos din kung may kailangang pagtaguan o iwasan, ipasok lang ang ulo sa loob at out of sight, out of mind na. Mabagal din ito kumilos kaya walang alintana sa bilis ng mundo, at your own pace ika nga. Vegetarian nga lang pala ito. Ito nama'y napagsasanayan din, ang importante ay makakain. Advantage na din siguro yung pagiging kalbo at no need ng haircut... saka cute yan para sa iba. Hindi rin ito maingay kumpara sa mga ibang hayop... teka, what does the turtle say nga ba? Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow? Mapalad ka pala kung tortoise ka at di mo na kailangan ng pansit sapagkat 100 years ang lifespan mo, makukuha mo pa yung pa 100k ng gobyerno sa mga centenarians. Madami pa for sure ang perks nang pagiging pagong na di ko na nabanggit. Ayos, yun lang siguro ang sasabihin ko. Sana nahikayat kita na mangarap din na maging pagong para may kasama ako. By the way pala, wag niyo sana isisi sa pagong ang pagka ban sa mga plastic straw... kung bat naman kasi pagong pa ang naging mukha ng campaign na ito, pwede namang gorilla nalang ah at may ilong din yun, mas malaki pa. 

Anino

Nito lamang nakaraang Sabado de Gloria ay may isang batang babae na edad 10 ang isinugod sa ospital kung saan ako naka duty. Noong una'y di ko pa nauunawan kung ano ang nangyayari sapagkat nagkakagulo ang mga naghatid sa bata. Kapansin pansin ang isang aleng humahagulgol sa grupong ito. Nalunod. Yan ang aking narinig habang ako'y napatingin sa isang lupaypay na katawan sa stretcher ng ambulansya. Parang isang reflex, dagli akong nag utos ng CPR sa mga kasama kong nurses. Ako na mismo ang naunang nag pump sa dibdib ng bata. Ambu bag! Epi! Pa hook sa cardiac monitor! Lahat naman ay nagawa ayon sa protocol. Ngunit huli na ang lahat, dead on arrival.

Sa maikling oras na aking nakasama at sinubukan isalba ang buhay ng bata, ako'y medyo nababahala sapagkat hindi ko na maalala ang itsura ng kanyang mukha. Isa na lamang siyang anino sa aking alaala. Maski pangalan niya'y di ko na rin matandaan. Isang Jane Doe. Ganun na ba kabalisa ang aking utak at para na lamang akong isang de-susing robot sa isang malaking makinarya? Hindi maalis sa aking isip na kung ako kaya ay isang anino lang din sa mga taong aking nakakasama at nakakasalamuha. Ang kanilang mga kilos at salita kaya ay parte lang din ng isang makinarya? Ako kaya ay isang John Doe no. xxx? Kung sabagay, di ko na rin naman malalaman yun kung magkataon man.

--------------------------

I am but a shadow fading in the presence of your light.

Isa pa ding malaking dilemma ang pumili sa pagitan ni Kotaro at Lamont, ngunit ako muna ay kay Lamont ngayon magpapasanib. Hay nako, here we go again.

28/100

the sands of time 

sifting through 

the fingers of mortality

like an arabesque 

through the heart of the keys

a moment's trance 

for a moment of peace

Canto XXXIII; Giovanni di Paolo

---------------------------------

"ive had enough of reading things...

...all i want is the truth now

just give me some truth now"

I Am a Rock - YouTube

Bang for the buck

 

c274e3ea4d7b322ea52ccf8c38e5525d (640×360) (yimg.com)

Prime video sure got lucky with its boxing debut. Fights from the undercards and the 2 main events all turned out great. Initially I was just supposed to watch Isaac Cruz's fight but I got hooked to the other bouts as well. I even dropped my phone while bathing haha. The bloody match sure wasn't expected. I just hope a rematch between Tszyu and Fundora will happen. Davis vs Cruz II would be awesome.

Shrinkflation?

Back in 2017 when I was still a senior intern, my go to ball point pen was the 0.7 Faber Castell. It glides smoothly on paper and would usually last for 1-2 weeks of heavy use, sometimes even more. I would particularly pick the one in pink casing since I've made it my own trademark, of course to lessen the common problem of misplaced/loss pen in the wards. A pink FC pen was then almost synonymous to me.

Fast forward 2024, I am quite disappointed with the same brand I used to rely on before. With only half a duty worth of use, a newly bought FC pen would have consumed half of its ink supply. Why is this so? Disappointments do come in all shapes and sizes.

El gato

ano ang feeling?

nang nagtagpo ang ating mga mata... at nagkatitigan?

wala naman 'diba?

wala din namang nakita.

sige, uwi ka na... hinahanap ka na ng nanay mo.

Spandau Ballet - True (HD Remastered) (youtube.com)

To water once more

Past is the season of lavenders after all?

Dinner (From "The Lady Caliph") (youtube.com)

Hindi ko alam kung ano mas malala, ang pag atake ng mga Monomorium, and pag kalkal ni Toby sa lupa, o kaya naman ang guni guni ng isang sapa na bigla na lang lumitaw. Kung aayon sa panahon at kalendaryo, may ilang araw pa na maaring mag hintay at umasa sa biyaya ng tubig... na hindi galing sa asungot na sapa.

Ibigay na lamang sa lupa ang sa lupa at magpasalamat sa kung ano ang meron at kung ano ang wala. Ganyan talaga, tnnt :/ 

What is rooted in evil is doomed to fail

The aspiration to achieve a goal driven by evil motivation is an end doomed at failure. It may not be obvious early on but as time goes by, the corruption compounds on the means and the goal itself. What initially appears to be superior or the better good is actually more backward and rotten to the core than what is being despised. More often than not, much has been spent in time and effort when the realization comes to view. May it not be impossible to correct, time lost will never be recovered. Thus it should serve as a warning for all. A motivation deeply rooted in hate and evil will never be better than what is despised, rather would turn out to be a much worse outcome. Once the realization is made, one must be quick enough and act on reflex to immediately change course. 

Realization is not solely dependent on the self as one is blinded by personal motivation. One must learn to observe well and use the senses optimally. There should be patience in listening what others say and more importantly what others do not say. The discipline of being quiet at times when it is afforded is of great value paired with a clear and unbiased mind.  It may be a daunting effort but doable nonetheless.

27/100

Slow 

is the trickle of sand in my hourglass

which I can't bring myself to dispose.

Eternally enchanted by its uncanny charm,

flawed and aged as its keeper.

One crack more,

a lost soul less?

Tenor Sax Guitar Jazz Duo "バス・ストップ Bus Stop" 平浩二カバー (youtube.com)

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4bgXH3sJ2Q

Amoy banal

 

 

Nazeeh by Junaid Perfumes

Salamat sa iyong regalo, Frecy.

Pamilyar na ako sa ganitong uri ng amoy. Amoy matanda. Amoy leather. Yung bang tulad ng amoy ng insenso sa simbahan - amoy banal. Ngunit sa paulit-ulit kong pag amoy nito ay nakalakihan ko na din at nagustuhan. Kung sabagay, may katandaan na din naman ako. Nitong Noviembre lang saakin ibinigay ito at nakalahati ko na agad. Nakakatuwa din pagmasdan ang gintong mala-seashell o Arabic minaret nitong cap... or mukang gintong ---- sa bird's eye view.

8/10 

Fragrantica: https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Junaid-Perfumes/Nazeeh-22391.html

Kasama sa larawan ay ang The Imitation of Christ, bilang pagpupugay kay idol na si Rizal na malapit na ang death anniversary. Sa tanang buhay ko ay first time ko din magawi sa Rizal Park nitong taon sa pagsasadya sa National Museum, kasama ang aking Josephine Bracken. Makikita rin sa larawang ito ang ipinamana sa akin ni daddy na Leatherman multi-tool na marami na ding pinagdaanan.

pampaano

nagkikislapan ang kaliskis
ng mga nakasalansang pampano
sa talipapa

sinasabayan ng patagong kislap
ng ngiti
ng mga parokyanong nagsasarili
at bulagbulagan 

sa hinagpis
ng mga walang muwang na hibeng
paanod anod sa karagatan

(true) the looking glass

there is a tingling fear 

as you peer through a wall of glass 

that for any given second

may break into millions

of too little pieces

having striking resemblance

to those that your eyes 

leak in slumber

DFA, bakit naman ganyan?

Ang pagpila (queuing) ay isang paraan ng pagkakaroon ng kaayusan (order) at pagpapakita ng disiplina bilang isang taong marunong gumalang sa kanyang kapwa tao. Ngunit kung ito ay aabusuhin ng may kapangyarihan (e.g. ang nagpapapila/ang sinasadya), maski sino man ay mawawalan ng gana sa isang disiplinadong sistema. Sino ang hindi maiinis sa pag pila ng mahigit sa sampung oras at paghinatayin sa isang paradahan (parking lot) na napakainit at wala man lang maayos na lagusan ng hangin (ventilation). Bukod pa diyan ay wala din mapahiram na palikuran (rest room) at ika'y palalabasin pa sa gusali upang maka-ihi. Sino ba ang karamihan na sa inyo ang nagsasadya? Hindi ba ang mga makabagong bayaning OFW na malaki ang inaambag sa ekonomiya ng bansa? DFA, bakit naman ganyan? Ito ay maling mali at kung may pagkakamali ay mayroon din dapat managot at maparusahan. Ngunit sino ang napaparusahan? Hindi ba't ang mga pumipila at nagtiyatiyaga sa isang bulok na sistema? 

Palpable

I.

Ika-tatlong sunod na gabi na ito na wala akong tulog. Hindi na din ako mabibigla kung ito’y magtatagal pa ng ilang mga araw. Ang mga boses ay lalong lumalakas, dumadalas at mas nagiging klaro. Maski sa tanghaling tapat ay hindi na ako tinatantanan. “Talon… tumalon ka na.” 

Nakatakda kaming magkita noon pagkatapos ng kanyang shift sa pinapasukan niyang bookstore. Si Flor ay isang part-time book keeper sa isang maliit na shop na malapit sa aking tinutuluyan. Doon din kami unang nagkakilala. Hindi ko malilimutan ang unang pagkakataon na siya’y aking nasilayan. Naka talungko ako noon sa may ibaba ng estante ng mga librong fiction habang tangan tangan sa aking mga kamay ang The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes. Nakabukas ang libro sa pahina na may larawan ng isang talon kung saan sa harapan nito ay may dalawang tao na tila nagbubuno. Habang pinagmamasadan ang nakaguhit ay bigla na lang may tinig ng babae akong narinig na pabuyong nagsabing "mabubuhay pa yan..."

Napatingala ako sa aking kanan at dagling napa atras ng kaunti nang magsalubong ang aming mga mata. Bilugan at kapwa maitim ang kanyang mga pagod na mata na sa kabila ng bakas ng panahon ay may ningning ng sigla. Medyo pahaba ang kanyang mukha na kinokoronahan ng maikling tabas ng itim na buhok na bahagya lang lumalapas sa ilalim ng kanyang mga tenga. Sa aking kinaroroonan ay muka siyang mas maliit pa sa akin at akoy hindi rin naman katangkaran. Hindi rin gaano malaman ang hubog ng kanyang katawan na nilalamon ng maluwag niyang puting blusa na halatang ilang oras na din sumasabak sa trabaho. Typical... sa loob loob ko.

Napa "ah ok" na lang ako. Sa totoo lang, ilang beses ko na din naman nabasa ang istoryang iyon. Hindi ko rin gaano nagustuhan ang bigla niyang pagsulpot sa aking personal space. Ginamitan ko siya ng aking supladong tingin sa pagasang aalis at lulubayan niya ako. Gayun pa man, ako pa din ang sumuko. Ang ilang segundo ay mistulang mga minuto kung ikaw ay naiirita.  

Ako'y tumayo at nakaambang nang umalis nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang aking kamay. Malamig.  "Ano po ba yun?", siyang aking umay na binanggit habang mahinahong pumiglas sa kanyang pagkakahawak. "Ikaw ba yung muntik nang mahagip nung van dun sa may Espanya?" Kasabay ng pagtinding ng aking mga balahibo ay nagbalik sa akin ang lahat at tila huminto ang aking paligid. Nabasag lang katahimikan nang sumigaw ang kahera ng "Flor!". Bakat sa mukha niya ang pagkadismaya at bago pa man siya umalis ay nagsabing, "bukas ng alas-singko y media ng hapon sa may BPI sa kanto".

Sino ang ikaw sa akin?

Ikaw ang TAHANAN na aking inuuwian sa tuwing ako ay nawawala, napapagod at nasasaktan.  

Ikaw ang SUSI sa kandado ng tanikalang gumagapos sa mga bisig ng aking puso at kamalayan.

Ikaw ang nagiisang PUSTA na ang aking buhay ang isusugal, ito man ay magdulot ng kapahamakan.

Ikaw ang maliwanag na BUWAN na nagsisilbing tanglaw sa masukal at taksil na daang nilimot ng mga bituin. 

Ikaw ang SAGOT sa lahat ng tanong na bumabagabag sa aking isipan sa mga gabing binabalisa at hindi makatulog.

Ikaw ang pagsara ng KURTINA sa kwartong niluma ng panahon, na sa huling pagngiti ay bakas ang wagas na kapayapaan.

Sino ang IKAW sa akin?

Ikaw ang PAGASA na matapos ang mahaba at nakakapagal na gabi ay sa kinabukasan ay mayroon paring masasaksihan na pagsikat ng araw.

First day of the rest

 

October 17, 2022

 

A blur of probability

 

 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/301703361/figure/fig3/AS:358017221578754@1462369365513/Schroedingers-cat-prior-to-measurement-the-cat-is-in-a-superposition-of-the-states-1.png

Tama ka na naman, signor Elio. Heto ang isang aria para sayo

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RuwAxhr2sQ\

Anti-tulo laway

 

A. Natutulog

B. Nagdadasal

C. Nag sla-slack

D. All of the above

 

 

Let them arrows fly

the fiery arrows that you hurl at me

are nothing compared to the dagger

that i foolishly struck your heart with

so ill keep on pushing forward

until the day i draw the incessant blade

easing you of your pain

First of October

As the nights become longer and the days short

And when my weary old eyes are about to falter

May the memory of today transcend all that is of me

Be the sole recollection that my heart will forever hold

26/100

 

she treads lightly into night and day

calm as the summer Epiphyllum

but vibrant as pansies' polonaise

 

sunrays dare not touch the curls of her hair

and moonbeams refrain to search where she dwells

for heaven knows true where her heart lays bare

 

should a budding rose to seasons concede?

an eclipse may transpire in breathhold's time

a bough to cling on, to bloom and persist

 

An ill-advised change

My liking and fascination to Valda pastilles goes way back during my pre-teen years. I remember my dad giving me and my sister one each of that emerald green, sugar-coated conical mints as he himself indulges on one. Apart from its soothing fresh flavor that isn't too harsh on the taste buds, the pastilles come in an exquisitely designed golden brass tin can. Apparently, the company decided to change the tin can's design to give it perhaps a more modern look. It's a pity since the original printing that I used to know and that I am very fond of is very much superior to the cheap looking current one. Good thing the product itself is the same as before. 

 

Included in this photo is my newly acquired fine nibbed, burgundy Parker jotter fountain pen. This marks the beginning of my journey to the world of fountain pens. My handwriting though, still sucks.

Stairwell to heaven

There is something soothing about stairwells, to me at least. It may seem an uncanny choice for a ‘comfort place’ but my inclination is not unfounded. Perhaps there could even be others just like me. In a fast-paced capitalist world where money is being driven by time, elevators have reduced stairwells as merely movie sets for bust horror flicks. But of course a building plan won’t be approved without them for safety measures like during instances of fires and earthquakes where the use of elevators is never encouraged. Pero men! Sa buong buhay mo gaano kadalas kaba makakaranas ng lindol at sunog sa loob ng isang building? E mas madalas pa siguro yung mga pagkakataon na natutuwa ka sa wifi provider mo kesa yung makaranas ka ng sakuna. In no way am I ridiculing any kind of catastrophe; I’m rather just hitting on the formerly mentioned.

I find solace in stairwells. It gives me the familiar feeling that a church gives; the silence, large glass windows, the way light reflects against the walls and the manner in which sound reverberates.  

 

      

May sumingit pala.

25/100

you're like a warm shower bath
in the wake of the morning
with every drop touching the skin
embraces the heart and eases
the uncertainty that fogs
the inner depths of the soul
as you assure your presence
next to me and within me
despite this unclear longing

that preys on my fragile mind

24/100

There is something

in the cold bitterness
of yesternight's leftover coffee
that reminds me of you.
Henceforth,
I shall do in excess
for tonight's brew.

Still the wonder years

Thank you.

The illusion of fear

Fear is an illusion that serves to protect and preserve. The will to overcome fear may take a great measure but nonetheless never impossible. Just like any other state of mind, a plataeu and instantaneous decline is reached once one is able to accept and take an active risk, be it a success or futile effort. To continue to exist is to continue to fear and overcome fear, a cycle that repeats and evolves. It evolves in a sense that what one has overcome before would never generate the same intensity of fear if perchance the same entity or situation is again encountered. One can never genuinely fear the same thing again and again to the same or greater degree once overcame. However, it is possible for fear to grow if risk is not taken and if denied or ignored relative to time. Why is fear then an illusion? It is an illusion in the basic sense of being a state of 'mind'. It is not something tangible but rather a conception of consciousness, which of course is unique to every individual. Two or more individuals may fear a similar thing in general, but never to the exact parameters. Why do we fear? Obviously, it is a basic instinct for the ultimate goal of survival. Not all fears are born from instinct, some are acquired through experience. Is there then such a thing as genuine fear? It may be conceived that there is but a proof can never be warranted to the limits of counsiousness. Genuine fear is the ultimate end of all fears, and such is death.

Sheesh

I recently skimmed through the 'piles of files' in my trusty old laptop (ever hardy and undying) and came upon a music playlist that I used to listen to when I do my early morning jogs around the famed sunken garden of UP Diliman (...di rin magbabago ang damdamin...). It was a handful of select songs/themes of several 90s super sentai shows that I used to love when I was a kid, plus my ever favorite kamen rider black to which up to this day I still dream of becoming one. 

If you'll be granted one super power, what would that be and why? 

This is a perennial question to kids whose minds are tickled by the provoking adults. As a kid, its either invisibility or the ability to fly for me. But if asked now, my answer would be very much far off. I'd wish for the power to see one's pure intentions.

And the first thing I'll do... 

...is to look into a mirror.

I'm so lost 2022, sheesh. 

Kung nadumihan mo ba yung sabon mo, pwede mo din ba gamitin yung mismong sabon na yun para ipang linis?

Yesterday

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrgmdOz227I

Wayward Aliaga Bus

 

I have not read Steinbeck's The Wayward Bus nor have I any idea of its plot. Yet for some reason the title of this novel has been lingering in my head for quite a while now. One thing is for sure though: I'll gamble everything that I have for a chance to avail a one way ticket to my very own Salinas. 

And perhaps, never look back.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oextk-If8HQ

Kazahana

can there be truer ___ than that of (for) the wind?

whose presence can't be seen or grasped

but with warmth that embraces the heart

giving life more than its share of fill

perhaps even in places in want?

in a sunny humid place, to a baobab tree

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7MaKmKJqoc

23/100

Coquettish is your smile that wakes my day

Let the morning sun envy you in every way

All hope of the night's tryst is never lost

In the light of dawn, dreams spring to life the most!

Riddle my lips with your sweet, lustful kisses

Each day is but you that my heart yearns and misses