All parries, no riposte
Thursday, May 28, 2020
An Interweaving of Reality and a Dream
I
I again find myself very much conscious of my breathing as if it is entirely voluntary. There is this occasional stream of coldness inside my chest, like an ice chip sliding down my throat. I know these sensations very well and if I were to listen closely, I could hear the rhythmic beating of my heart. Time appears to tick slower than usual, painfully.
II
I imagine myself running through an endless greenfield, blindly following a narrow and straight path. I run tirelessly on a steady pace while looking at a seemingly unending sea of green. I only look straight ahead, never bothering to look back.
III
My mind is spotless as never before and not even a slight thought dares to blemish it. Eventually I feel nothing as my mind denies everything. Have I been reduced to an animate soulless object? Or is it perhaps a connivance of the body, mind, and soul with the intent to fool my being for the purpose of self preservation?
IV
Suddenly, all nothingness crumble with a gentle knock on the accordion door. A wild masked LesBear appears whose presence shook and united all three (body, mind, and soul) back to their proper place in the dim lit cubicle.
V
Ang importante sa ultrasound ay alamin mo muna yung mga normal values/dimensions ng mga organs katulad ng sabi sakin ni doc Justin.
Ang buhay na di kinikilatis ay buhay slap soil
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
I was probably 9 then when I first drew a bust of the old man Socrates and of course had my very own rendering of the Jacques-Louis David. But more than the old grumpy face or the poison hemlock story, it was the quote "the unexamined life is not worth living" that stuck to me. Matik na yun. The unexamined life is not worth living? Si Socrates yan! Kung di ako nagkakamali, yan yung pinaka unang entry namin ni ate sa The Great Quotations namin na notebook (isa sa mga requirements sa wailing packed summer class namin with daddy... oh the good ol days). Id like to think that those were just meaningless words to me then. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case. I was a brooding gentleman (he he). Kung anime ako, ako yung tipong napapalibutan ng maitim na aura sa buong katawan habang nakaupo sa isang sulok. Pero siyempre sa panglabas lang yun, iba na ang usapan pagdating sa kaloob looban. Anyway ibang istorya yan and Im not to talk about that here. Going back to Socrates and the unexamined life, for some reason naging habit ko tuwing nasa klase ko na banggitin sa sarili ko yung quote na yun. Lalo na pag recess habang nakadukdok sa aking arm rest o kaya naman habang mala sundalong nag pa-pacing with matching day dreaming. May pakumpas kumpas pa ng mga kamay kung minsan.
https://images.metmuseum.org/CRDImages/ep/original/DP-13139-001.jpg
The Death of Socrates (1787) by Jacques-Louis David
The unexamined life is not worth living. Ang buhay na di kinikilatis ay buhay slap soil. Pero kung panay kilatis lang, pano na lang yung essence ng living? Ika nga ni Kierkegaard, pinasok ko ang daliri ko sa aking singit, inamoy, at alas! walang angis! Okay joke lang pero parang ganyan na din ang sinabi niya.
つづく
Para sa bayan!
Monday, May 11, 2020
Effortless
Grabe... mag hahating gabi na ayaw pa din ako dalawin ng antok. E ang huling inom ko ng kape ay mga alas singko pa ng hapon. Duty pa naman ulit ako bukas. Lagot na naman. Ang hindi ko maintindihan ay kung bakit kung kelan kailangan ako gising saka ako sobrang inaantok at kung kelan ako dapat tulog siya namang sobrang ligalig ng diwa ko. Ang nakaka shookt pa niyan e kahit ilang kape inumin ko pag nasa ospital ako e di ako tinatablan at lalo pa nga yata ako hinehele ng antok. Isang kabalintunaan... ako ay isang kabalintunaan. My mind is a mess, obviously. But I'd rather not dwell much on it and dig a deeper hole for myself. Bahala na si Brahms... 10 hours na Brahms para sa kinabukasan. Ako ay matutulog di para sa sarili ko kundi para sa bayan. Para sa bayan!
22/100
Sunday, May 10, 2020
glimmering green light
across the shore
for a moment longer
will you shine a little bit more?
while these eyes arent weary
hope can only hold as much
void that it can carry
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